so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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