Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
