is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
