I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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