I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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