need another drink. this is the easiest way
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
