I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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