Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
