Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
