Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
