The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
