hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
