I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
