i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
