i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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