At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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