areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I supernannyed him into submission
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
