i would punch a child for taco bell
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
no you cant smoke seaweed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
