my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
