Whod you bang
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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