I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
