Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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