96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
