I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
