So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
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You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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