Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
