i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
