She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
