dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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