a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
