My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.