Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick