I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
