I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
