I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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