Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
