well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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