I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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