Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
