But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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