He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
