yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
