and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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