idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I love you. Go after that dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
