My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
