honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
accomplished twins. life is a go
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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