I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
