meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
