Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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