It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
