I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
