I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You took a bar mat shot.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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