saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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