i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
