a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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