Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
