Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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