She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
