...so i touched it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
