I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
