I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
