If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
