I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
