Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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