Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
