She is in my trunk
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
