how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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