you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
