I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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