We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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