if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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