I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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