Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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