butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
