You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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