he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
