he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?