Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs