shes about as inviting as chlamydia
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?