After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.