May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
