guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win