When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline