Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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