I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
