Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
