i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
