I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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