im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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