i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
